Post by dominique gabrielle rousseau on May 13, 2013 2:13:41 GMT -5
SOMETIMES I FIND IT HARD
• to believe there's someone else who could be •
JUST AS MESSED UP AS ME
Dominique set her quill down and wiped the tears from her face. Everything was going horribly. This was not how her final year at Hogwarts was supposed to be. She was supposed to be spending time with her friends, excited over the Triwizard and basking in the glory of her new relationship. She was supposed to be patching things up with Lysander and enjoying her new relationship with Victorie. Why couldn't any of that be happening? She placed her hand on her stomach and tried to feel any movement. She felt a new wave of tears pour down her face when she realized that she couldn't keep going. She couldn't be seventeen with a baby, not in this family. Not when the father of her child seemed to think that there was no way for it to be possible. She felt completely sick when Stefan sat with her and seemed to try to figure out how it was his child. As if she was lying to him. Hiding something from him. She couldn't even think of being with another man when she had Stefan. She loved him so much, but it hurt so badly to think about the confusion and the panic on his face.
She sent the letter off to her sister and ran her fingers through her white blonde hair, how could this be happening. They did everything they were supposed to and now she was going to be a mother. There had to be something that she could do, just something to get rid of some of this pressure building up inside of her. Something to make all of the pain and ache go away. She lifted her sleeves and looked at the array of faded scars that no one knew about. All of the years of living in Victorie's shadow got to her more than she would ever admit. She had to get rid of it somehow. She hadn't done this in many years, always afraid that someone would find out and hate her for it. That someone would find out that she sometimes had to harm herself just to get through the day. She sat on her bed and grabbed her old friend that helped her through so many days. Nights when she had to hear her parents fighting about her. Afternoons of hearing "You know, Dominique, if you would just act more like Victorie..." over and over and fucking over again. She passed the silver knife from one hand to the other, trying to gather her nerve. If she could just do it, then everything would be better.
Her parents wouldn't have to give her that look anymore. She wouldn't cause stress for them. Victorie and Louis would have each other, they would be okay. Stefan would find another girl. Someone who his father approved of. Someone right for him. Her blue eyes stung with fresh tears when she thought about the week she spent with the Krums, following Stefan's mother dying. She went to the kitchen for a glass of water and was graced by Viktor calling her a mattress. Claiming that she was just something fun for his son to enjoy. That soon he would meet someone else, someone better, to be with. Someone who wasn't just fun to lay on. She hated how terribly everything turned in a few months, but it would all be over soon. She wouldn't be around to hurt Roxanne, or Lysander. She wouldn't be there to ruin Stefan's family. Ruin his future. He would be able to move on eventually, have a family with someone who he loved more than her, a woman who Viktor approved of. Someone who his mother would have approved of. River and Brie would have a wonderful life together. She imagined that Ellie would meet someone soon. Someone who could keep up with her energy and beat her in quidditch. Sebastien and the guys would mourn her, but they were used to not seeing her. They would be okay.
Dominique quickly slid the silver knife up her right wrist, and cried out in pain. With a shaky breath she switched hands and did the same on the other side. The girls she shared a dorm with were gone for the night, celebrating something, or enjoying something. Niqui placed her hands on her lower stomach and whispered a goodbye to her baby. Apologizing for being a terrible mother. For not being good enough. Complete darkness took over her vision and she let everything become numb.
When she finally came to, the harsh bright lights of the Hospital Wing shone in her eyes and she let out a cry of either agony or relief she wasn't quite sure which one it was that she was alive and in the Hospital Wing. Healers and nurses rushed around and gave her sad faces. Her wrists were bandaged up and her Gryffindor uniform was replaced with a white hospital gown. How the hell did she get here? Dominique looked around to try to find some sort of answers about it all, none of the healers would look at her and they all seemed to have the same sad look in their eyes when they did make eye contact.
"What's going on, can someone please tell me how I got here?" She called out, hoping that someone would fucking talk to her. A part of her wished that Brie was there, she would stomp around and grab a healer by the shirt and demand answers. She felt a sharp pain in her stomach and gripped onto the sheets while the pain raced through her entire being. A darker skinned healer stopped by her bed and looked her over,
"You're damn lucky, Miss Weasley, lucky someone found out before you bled out. I'm sorry but, we managed to save you. Not that baby of yours."
Dominique placed her hands on her lower stomach and tried to believe it wasn't true.
"I'm sorry, your body went into shock and your miscarried. I'm sorry."
She laid back on the bed and cried into her hands. Everything hurt so much she wasn't sure how she was going to make it passed this.
"If you want someone to thank, here's the person who saved your life." The healer spoke softly to someone, but Niqui couldn't hear any of it. She just cried into her hands and knew that she was being punished. Punished for being a terrible child, why else would she live and her baby die? All of those years that she caused her parents to fight, caused her mother to cry and her father to get angry with her. She would have been a terrible mother anyway.
TAGGED ! Anyone brave enough to have been the one who saved her.
WORDS ! 1,182
OUTFIT ! Hospital gown
LYRICS ! sometimes by skillet
TEMPLATE ! PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
NOTES ! This is why Belle should sleep and not try to out dramawhore Fang.