Post by madeleine albright hearst on Mar 27, 2014 1:35:57 GMT -5
TRIGGER WARNING: talk of suicide and eating disorders.
The minute Maddie saw his elegant script she knew something was wrong and before even finishing the letter her legs were carrying her as fast as they could to the Nauset dorms, bounding up the stairs and to the bed she had spent so much time in this year. No, this couldn't be happening, please please please let it not be happening. Damian wouldn't leave her like that. This was all just a terrible mistake.
I know you'll be reading this when it's much too late…
But it wasn't and reality was cruel and all that was left was the shell of her love and nothing could have ever prepared her to see him like this. So calm, so peaceful, so cold. And she knew that no matter how many times she shook him, no matter how loudly she begged, he was gone. He was gone and those eyes were closed and he was not coming back. Maddie knew she could cry and cry and he would stay still, stay gone. He'd never smile at her again, laugh with her, talk to her, whisper in her ear. His hands would never hold her own, she could never lay her head on his warm chest and just listen to the…
Just don't leave, you're all I want.
Every word of their last conversation seemed to swirl in her mind. This was her fault, she had done this to him. She pushed him to this, pushed him away despite all of his pleading words. Why, why hadn't she listened? How could she have done this to the person she loved more than anything, the only person she had ever loved, the only person she needed? It was just as though she had done it herself as she thought back, her every word driving a dagger deeper and deeper into the only person she cared about. He needed her. And she abandoned him. Their relationship terrified her, what had started off with soft words and delicate touches ended like this. It couldn't end like this, with nothing more than a half page letter to hold onto? How could she have done this to him?
You deserve so much, and I am so sorry that I couldn't give you that.
Maddie couldn't remember who came in the room or when they took the body away or how much time had passed. She felt like she was underwater, in a fog where the only person that could reach her was gone. What was she to do now? How was she supposed to function without him in the world? Everything had seemed so perfect, so pretty but it was all an illusion. Even his room was immaculate, his things folded and sorted perfectly. Her fingers found each item, hugging it close to her chest.
I love you even though there are times we question it, we know it's true.
There was so much time unspent, so many words she had decided to bite back that were now choking her as all the love she had felt turn to poison in her veins. That had to be it, the only way to make her chest ache so terribly, for her throat to burn, for her hands to shake. Was this what he felt? This crushing feeling, this horribly unbearable pain?
I want you to know that I'm sorry, and that I'll always be here.
Damian…