There were times as Elly was growing up when they were back in California that Riley thought about getting back out there, dating and seeing if he could find someone. Most of the time his excuse was that he was too bus between the lectures and grading, trying to put together labs for his students. Helping some of the people he taught with their thesis research. And of course making sure that he had all the time his daughter needed from him.

Lucy Ayna was the girl he never thought he would be good enough for. Somehow he managed to not only date her but marry the woman. They had a child together. And it crushed Riley when his wife was killed in a car accident. He tried to be strong for the toddler he was left with. At least he still had his little girl. There was never a doubt in his mind that the girl that he loved with everything he was could be anyone’s but his. Then again Riley would never think that Lucy would ever do a thing like cheat on him.

When her door was thrown open he was shocked. Riley’s eyebrows shot up and then her arms were around him. Protectively he wrapped his own arms around Eloise. It was hard to understand her words being muffled against his chest. Her tears soaking into his shirt. What possibly….? It was like when she was little and had a bad dream. Then Elly would run to his room and climb into his bed, hiding under the covers. Of course Riley would let her sleep there through the night and promise to protect her from the monsters that had awoken her.

It didn’t seem like this was from some nightmare. He spotted the leather bound book on her floor then, realizing what it was. Eloise never really had a chance to meet her mother. He had always told her that she was a wonderful woman with hair like his daughter’s. Riley never had the stomach to read the thing. He had stashed it in a box with some other things that had been Lucy’s that he just couldn’t part with.

Suddenly Eloise’s words were becoming more clear. “Elly….s sw s s sweetheart What are you t ta t talking about?” Riley smoother down her blond hair in comfort. “You..sh sh shouldn’t be sorry.” Riley was confused. Didn’t want to be someone else’s daughter? Was she sorry about snooping in the diary. As far as Riley was concerned Eloise was old enough to read that if she wanted. After all she had a right to know her mother.

There was a lot that Riley never caught on to. There was a lot that Riley had forgiven in his life that probably wouldn’t have been taken as lightly by another man. He just wanted a happy life, a wonderful little family and to be able to do science for the rest of his life. Certainty he had his fair share of bumps in the road. Eloise arrived a little earlier than the young couple wanted. Before they had their daughter Lucy and Riley had spoken about having kids closer to thirty. The universe seemed to think differently and with Lucy’s untimely death it did seem that Eloise arrived when she needed to, so that Riley could have his little girl.

Sure some things the man was at a loss for. Now that she was getting older there was a lot Riley didn’t know how to talk about, things he couldn’t relate to her with. When he got frustrated his stutter got worse and there had been times that even his daughter got fed up with waiting for her father to stammer out a word and would just storm off. It hurt at the time but they were both just flustered and time and the promise of ice cream solved all that.

He tried his best to be everything for her, a father and a mother. A best friend if she would accept that role form him as well. He like to go out in the yard with Eloise and find caterpillars. They would make a terrarium for them to live in. When she was little he would teach her about their life cycles. She would watch in wonder as they went from a caterpillar to a chrysalis and then finally a colorful butterfly. It was something they kept doing, every year go out and find caterpillars. He was afraid f the day that she would come home for summer break and no longer want to do that.

It broke his heart to have her crying like this. At the same time it was comforting to have her still wrap her arms around him and feel like she did still need him. Riley bit his bottom lip when Eloise was able to tell him what was bothering her through the sobs. That was a whole new sting when she asked if he wasn’t her father.

That was the thing that he took too lightly when it came to his relationship with Lucy. The day she found out she was pregnant she had confided in him that there had been another man she saw. Lucy swoar it was only once. Riley never knew the truth that it wasn’t just that guy and it wasn’t just once. When she could she would crawl into bed with another man and then come home to Riley. She was lucky that Riley thought the world of his wife.

“You are y daughter.” He said plainly . Carefully he used his thumb to whip some tears from his daughter’s face. “Yes…your m m mmo mo m m… Lucy told me that maybe you could h h h haave been someone else’s. But y y y yo y you are my little princess.” It was hard telling her the truth. It was something he had forgotten about actually. That diary. He glanced at it still on her floor. The puffy circle’s under Elly’s eyes said that she probably had read the whole thing already and the damage was already done. “I p p promise.”

Riley hated that he had to tell the truth to his daughter. She should have never had to deal with the doubt of who was her father. It made his heart ache in the worst way. Yes his little girl was not as little as she used to be but she would always be his tiny blond princess. A mouth full of missing teeth and a giggle that always put a smile on his face. He liked to deny that she was getting older because he didn’t want his daughter to have to face the world with out him.

That was what getting older was. Eloise would have to learn to face the cruelty that the world could be without him there to protect her. But this. That diary was not anything she ever needed to tell her things like this. The fact that he mother was not this shining lovely woman the Riley often still thought her as was not a truth that Eloise ever needed to know. As much as he thought she had a right to know of her mother. Maybe the private thoughts of the woman was not the best thing for a twelve year old. Why did he ever keep it?

Gently Riley ran his fingers through her long blond hair. His mouth turned down still with the guilt that he felt. “Don’t b b bbb be sorry baby gi g girl.” He whispered. When she hiccupped the corner of his mouth turned up slightly.

Being a father was the best thing Riley ever did. Or at least he thought. All the schoolin in the world could not replace the pride he had because of his daughter. Even when she had her moments, and trough a fit. She was perfect, a smart amazing girl.

“Of course,” He nodded and then took hold of her hand, like when she was little and still so sleepy in the mornings that she needed to be steered to the kitchen. Once she was sat at the island he turned to her and put on the best smile he could. Riley wanted to get on with the day as if the diary didn’t happen. “What w w would you like? Anythin n n ng you wan nnn n nt.”

Riley never kept the diary as a way to hurt anyone. There was many times where he sat in the attic and just looked down at the leather-bound book. Never once did he open it. Riley should have read those pages and then burned it. Why did he ever think that it would possibly be good for his daughter to one day see it?

Riley was an idiot.

His mouth dropped open when Eloise asked that jarring question. “No…n n nnever,” That was what any father would say. It was what any father should say. It was also the truth. “You are the w w w world to me Eloise.” There was not much of any way that he could prove that to her other than continuing to be everything that he could be for her.

Sure there was a chance that all those years of school. Balancing between homework, studying and quieting a crying, cranky toddler did sprout some premature grey hairs. Having Eloise wasn’t the reason he worked as a teacher. He would have the same job with our without his little girl. Having her made his life better. He didn’t get the sponsors to study because of his work. It was often laughed at, the research that he put time into. There was always still a chance that he could get into a lab and do all the experiments he wanted. Until then he had his class room and his daughter and that was all he would ever need.

Riley nodded. “W w wa w waffles it is.” The father set about getting everything ready so he could make the waffles. Flower and water and everything else to mix into the batter. Breakfast was always one of those times that he and his daughter got to do something together. Making pancakes or eggs even. Because of his schedule he would find times that were for just him and her. Breakfast, right before bed time, and the summer. He always figured that she loved it because there was never a complaint. Well sometimes there were mornings when his little girl would roll over in bed and beg for another half hour of sleep.

He wrapped his arms tighter around his little girl and kissed the top of her head. “I… I’m so s s sorry you ever had to find t t th that book.” Riley could see it still lying there in Eloise’s room. He would have to remember to grab it later and get rid of it. Of course there was something inside that was telling Riley he needed to read those words. That he needed to know who Lucy actually was. Get that apparently stupid image of her with the smile that made his knees week out of his head.

At the very least he wanted to get it away from Eloise so that she wouldn’t torture herself over and over by rereading it. For now he would make sure that their day went on. He only had a little bit of time left until Elly went back to school. His nights would be lonely again without his daughter around to watch movies with him. Or without sitting out on the back porch and roasting marshmallows point out all the constellations they could see.

He started to mix the batter in a bowl and watched the little blonde walk around the kitchen. A soft smile sprouted. How could it not. He would always be proud of her. No matter what she did, Eloise was the light of his life. She had to be his, even if he normally focused on the things about her that reminded him of Lucy he could see himself in the girl too.

“Um d d d da dating?” He stammered and stopped his sturing for a little bit. Instead of actually answering the question yet Riley took out a pan and got it started heating up. This was the first time that she had even mentioned anything about him dating.

“I…have…maybe t th t thought about it once or twice. “ He was busy…with her and school…those were just excuses. “I just haven’t found..a an anyone.” For the longest time it was no one who could compare to Lucy. More recently it was no one he thought was good enough to be his daughter’s mother.

Riley poured some of the batter onto a waffle iron so that it could start cooking. Eloise seemed to poke a little bit of fun at him when he got a little red faced and flustered at her question. Sure part of it was because that was simply how he was when it came to the issue of dating. The other was this was another sign that his daughter wasn’t going to stay little. He wouldn’t have to clean her scrapped knees and stick her favorite cartoon bandage on the cuts.

He looked over at her with an cocked brow as he took some bacon out of the fridge and set a couple strips in the pan. “I a apr appreciate it Elly.” Her reassurance was nice but something he always felt she didn’t quite understand was that anyone he was interested in had to be good with her. Eloise was the light of his life and any woman who came around would always be second to that. Besides the books and movies and might be lonely as long as their little family was happy and healthy he was fine being single.

Between his daughter and his friends someone had to be placing bets on his dating life. At least this was a much brighter conversation than the one that had taken place minutes before. Riley would happily keep along with this if it meant having Eloise smiling at least.

Riley nodded. He had an impromptu lunch with one of her professors if he remembered correctly. She was a nice lady, but of course Riley figured that she was probably spoken for, at least she had reassured that the school was a good place for his daughter and when she was there she was flourishing. “If wh w what you are t t trying to do is set m m me up Elly… maybe I can t t tr try one date if you find someone.” He was still blushing a bit but tried to hide it by looking away and paying more attention the cooking waffles and bacon.

Honestly he was not sure at all how good an idea that was, but it was a miracle he was even married once before. Dating had always been something he was bad at. Not many woman wanted to talk about the finer points of Nosferatu and the life cycle of specific types of fungi. Still it couldn’t possibly hurt if Eloise actually managed it.