I'm Alive {Teddy} But I'm Barely Breathing

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I'm Alive {Teddy} But I'm Barely Breathing Aug 17, 2014 22:19:29 GMT -5

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Post by lucia astrid longbottom on Aug 17, 2014 22:19:29 GMT -5

but i grew older
and the nights grew shorter

I no longer cared where it hurt

✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥

It was an unusually warm and sunny day on the streets of London, England. The one day it did not reflect the mind of young, disturbed, Lucy Longbottom. Her long blonde hair was tousled in the wind as she paced back and forth in front of lifelong friend (practically brother), Theodore Lupin's house. "Yes, I'll knock.." Lucia approached the door, arm raised at the ready, and... "No, no, no, no! He didn't respond to my owl, showing up uninvited would just be rude..." She retracted her arm, and began walking away from the house in a brisk manner. "...Ooooh, but I really need to talk to him!" Lucy turned back around and marched right back up to the now menacing door. Until she flaked, and crumbled once more. "That's completely imposing!" She argued back and forth with herself over the matter.

The once-international-model was a sore sight to look at nowadays. Today, being one of her worse ones. She had been run ragged by her mind. Sleepless nights, days without eating, the constant, overwhelming paranoia... It was enough to drive even the most sane people mad.

Lucia stared, dead-eyed at the door to the Lupin residence. Perhaps she could just will him outside of the house. Might that work? Lucia closed her eyes, and focused incredibly hard. "Come on Teddy...!" Her face contorted as she strained her thoughts, actually believing she could will him to appear in front of her. After a solid minute, Lucia peeked open one of her eyes to see nothing. She let out a breath of frustration, and kicked a nearby plastic bottle down the street. A couple who were passing by looked up at Lucia and gave her a dirty look. "What?!" She yelled, throwing her hands in the air. The two kept on walking, ignoring Lucy's uncharacteristic outburst.

With a huff, Lucy sat down on the curb looking at Teddy's house. A part deep inside of Lucy knew why she wouldn't go up and knock on the door. Why it really wasn't just her not wanting to impose. Deep down she knew, that once she reached out for help... There wasn't any going back. Tears started prickling in the young woman's eyes. She didn't want help. She didn't want to admit there was a problem. That there was anything wrong.

In her mind flashed images, little clips of what would happen if she outed herself. Her parents breaking down, sobbing. Her father having to go through not only his parents, but his child being... Telling her brothers. Her sisters. The looks of pity. The tears. The heartache...

Crazy.

A wave of nausea swept over Lucy. It took all that she had to not purge what little breakfast she had that morning. Just the thought of a single word had her trembling at the knees.

Lucia carefully stood up. She wiped her eyes, but the sniffling wouldn't stop. She couldn't put her family through that. She couldn't put herself through this.

Coming here was a mistake.

✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥

TAG: theodore remus lupin WORDS: 550
NOTES: The song is Whisky Lullabies by Janet Devlin, you should actually definitely check it out. >.>

Temp by Melz @Caution 2.0, cyberlink, @adoxography and RPGD

Last Edit: Aug 18, 2014 0:00:15 GMT -5 by lucia astrid longbottom

theodore remus lupin

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I'm Alive {Teddy} But I'm Barely Breathing Aug 21, 2014 4:49:55 GMT -5

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Post by theodore remus lupin on Aug 21, 2014 4:49:55 GMT -5

Teddy had heard of the term cascading failures a few times in his life. When everything seemed to go wrong at once. A chain reaction of bad news that just seemed to decide when he needed to have the most stress in his days. First, it started with twin ear infections. His son and daughter were both up screaming and crying for the ache in their heads that no amount of soothing could quiet. Victoire had been able to apply some magical cure, but that didn't stop the two of them from proceeding to scream through the entire night. Whenever he would try to close his eyes for just a second, Remus would pop his little head up and yowl for his father. His little emerald head turning bright Weasley red in his temper. When he would settle down, Gabi would take her turn.

As much as his wife seemed to want to help, she had to go to work. Teddy was the one home for the summer, so it was his responsibility to be primary care taker of the twins. Once September rolled around they would find out a new system, but for now, this is what would work out the best.

Teddy placed his sleeping daughter down in her crib, expecting to turn around and see Remus staring back at him with those big blue eyes that would forever be getting whatever he wanted from Teddy. Instead, the little boy was asleep, clutching his wolf plush that someone bought for him as a joke. Teddy was about to shout in happiness, but realized how counter productive that would be. Instead the blue haired father yawned into his hand, and went to his kitchen for some coffee before joining his children in a nap.

Right as Teddy passed by the stack of letters that neither parents quite had the energy to reply to, he stopped by the window. Was that? What was Lucy Longbottom doing sitting across from his house, and more than that, what was she doing yelling at passers by? Teddy, not even bothering with his shoes at this point, stepped outside of the house and crossed the street. He knew his children would be safe if he just stepped out for a second. Lucy was like his daughter, his cousin, his sister and his best friend all rolled into one bubbly blonde.

"Lucy? What are you doing here?" He had thought that she would be roaming the world taking in all of the beauty and art that she could.
"Come in! Please I haven't seen you in forever." He wrapped his arms around the young girl, tugging her close to make sure she came inside. It had been so long, that he couldn't remember if she had always been that thin, or if that was a recent development.

"I was just about to put on some coffee, have a cup."

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lucia astrid longbottom

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I'm Alive {Teddy} But I'm Barely Breathing Aug 24, 2014 10:40:42 GMT -5

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Post by lucia astrid longbottom on Aug 24, 2014 10:40:42 GMT -5

Just as Lucia was about to make her exit, a familiar voice made her tense and freeze in her tracks. She slowly turned to spy none other than Teddy Lupin. Lucy rubbed her eyes roughly, hoping that if he was an illusion, he would go away. No such luck. Hopefully he was real and she was in a moment of lucidity. A painfully obvious forced smile made it's way to Lucy's face as she weakly wrapped her thin arms around Teddy. In his embrace she felt her muscles and mind relax, even if it was only the tiniest bit. Lucy had missed Teddy. Getting all caught up in marriage, children, and work, the two hardly had time to see each other anymore. Even then, it didn't break the near sibling-like trust Lucy had bestowed upon him. Teddy was the first person she even thought of coming to once the realization had dawned upon her. He was her confidante.

"Good morning, Teddy..." She said in her soft, distant voice. Lucy let his question go unanswered, hoping he'd let it slide. He was smart, practically forcing her into the house. Otherwise, Lucy likely would've found a way to dodge out. Nervously twirling her hair, Lucy sat down at the table in their kitchen as she watched Teddy put on some coffee. "Thank you, I would love some... How.. Have you been?" She spoke with clear pauses, as if she had forgotten she was speaking. God, I'm a mess...

Minutes ticked by like hours. In her mind, Lucy was internally debating on whether or not to spring open this can of worms on Teddy, or to just go her own way. She knew these next few moments would decide the rest of her life. To let herself be swallowed by this sickness... Or to try and fight back.

"I will not go quietly into the night..." Lucy muttered, barely audible to even her own ears. Taking in a deep breath and deciding her fate, Lucia sat up straight in her chair. A new fire of determination burned in her eyes as she looked to Teddy. She hoped she had placed her trust in the right hands.

"Actually, Theodore, I have some things I would like to... Talk to you.. About." As she spoke she lost her gusto. Unintelligible whispers were clouding her thoughts. They were not happy with her choice. Lucy shook her head to try and clear out her mind. "Is.. Is now an okay time?"

theodore remus lupin

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I'm Alive {Teddy} But I'm Barely Breathing Aug 29, 2014 10:35:37 GMT -5

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Post by theodore remus lupin on Aug 29, 2014 10:35:37 GMT -5

Lucy was more than just someone who was raised like his cousin. She was a wonderful person and a young woman who he hoped to be able to continue to grow and evolve. Her art was getting a little darker, but still amazing and beautiful. When she stopped her modeling career, he was secretly thrilled. He hated losing friends when they would make comments about her in her short skirts and wide eyes.
"I've been insane, I just saw your letter, I'm sorry I missed it." He really did feel terrible, but his days were just roaming together lately. There was no way he could even know how long it had been there before he saw it. Vic must have gotten it from the owl.

"The babies have been sick, and I think they're working on driving me up a wall." Already they were teaming up against him and he had no idea what to do to stop it. There seemed to be something up with Lucy, she was more distant in her voice than usual. There was something on her mind and Teddy just hoped that it wasn't anything serious. He cared deeply for Lucy like a little sister and he didn't want to see anything happen to her.

He set down a nearly full cup of coffee in front of her, and even set down a bottle of her favorite creamer beside it with a spoon. He always tried to keep it in the house for when she would visit, even if her trips to see him had been coming less and less. Teddy would have to start kicking down her door above the Leaky Cauldron to keep their coffee dates with each other.

"Today is a perfect time, what's up?" He took a sip from his mug and watched to make sure that she was alright. They had gone to each other for almost everything since they had become friends, and he wanted to make sure that she was alright.

Lucy was the baby sister that he never had.
"You know you can tell me anything."

At least he hoped that she would always know that.

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lucia astrid longbottom

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I'm Alive {Teddy} But I'm Barely Breathing Sept 13, 2014 16:27:54 GMT -5

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Post by lucia astrid longbottom on Sept 13, 2014 16:27:54 GMT -5

Lucia twirled her fingers nervously through her hair as her brain was running at a million miles an hour. How would she just drop something like this on Teddy? She slightly winced at his use of the word ‘insane’.

“No, no, it’s quite alright, Teddy. Thank you for seeing me still.” She said distantly. Lucy listened as Teddy explained the absence of giddy children running amok around the house. “I do hope they feel better soon. Is Vic with them now..?” If she was going to spill her secrets out to him like this, she wasn’t particularly fond of being interrupted by anything, even if it was an ill child.
Her thoughts were momentarily interrupted by the full cup of coffee that was placed in front of her, along with a bottle of her favorite creamer. A small grin lit up her face. Small gestures like this reminded her why she loved Teddy like the older brother she never had.

“You’re the best.” She smiled as she prepared her coffee. A boatload of creamer and a few stirs later, Lucia was happily sipping her coffee (or as happy as she could get). Coffee did make her feel calmer. The opposite effect it was supposed to have, odd, she supposed. Not that she minded. As she was contentedly drinking her coffee, the question finally came. What’s up. What’s up? What’s up. What’s up. What’s up. What’s up. It repeated nonstop in her brain, like a scratched record.

What. Is. Up.

Lucia opened her mouth to speak. It felt as if someone had stuffed gobs of cotton inside, as if someone else didn’t want her to talk. The whispers came back. Coffee had ebbed them away for only but a moment. Lucy tugged at the ends of her hair again; God, this was so hard. Tears began welling up in her eyes again, but she stood fast to hold her composure.

“Things.. Things haven’t been going to well, Teddy. To be honest.. It’s been really, really bad.” A hiccup escaped her throat as she fought back the tears. Lucia’s vision became narrower – the voices became louder in protest. She cupped her hands around her ears.

“It’s so loud in here!” She said in a hoarse whisper. Lucy slammed her fists on the table. The coffee rippled in protest to her actions. “Teddy I can’t tell the difference anymore. It all blurs together. Everything.” She looked him in the eyes, a lost feeling taking over her. Her hands were shaking. She hid her face behind her curtain of blonde hair as tears slid down her cheeks.

“... What do you do when you can’t trust your mind?”

theodore remus lupin

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I'm Alive {Teddy} But I'm Barely Breathing Sept 13, 2014 17:01:55 GMT -5

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Post by theodore remus lupin on Sept 13, 2014 17:01:55 GMT -5

Teddy knew that he was the worst big brother ever to Lucy. He had been so busy with the twins and the summer that he completely missed out on all of the times when he should have been there for her. When he should have checked in on her to make sure that she was doing alright. Something that he had done a thousand times before, just seemed to slip away with the twins.
"I hope so too, and no, Vic is at work." During the summer, she took up extra shifts at the hospital since he was home from Hogwarts and able to spend much more time with their children. People warned them that when they had children that it would be too stressful since they both had strong careers, but it seemed to be working out between them. They would both be exhasted at the end of the night, but still crawl into bed with each other. Still hold each other and make sure that the other knew they were loved.

The coffee seemed to help, but there was something so different about Lucy. Something that just seemed off and it was making him comfortable worrying about it. He knew that she had been a little off ever since she came back from her modeling career and began as an artist. Teddy poured some of the creamer into his cup and stirred it around. The sweet vanilla and brown sugar flavors taking over the black coffee.
"Gotta keep your favorite around for when you decide to bless me with your face."

What was going on in that head of hers? What was going on that made her so scared? Teddy felt a rage fill inside of him as the laundry list of reasons why she would be this fearful raced through his head. Someone hurt her, she hurt herself, someone attacked her, someone was stalking her, something. Teddy could feel his hair flare a Weasley red color, it's typical state when he would get angry. Vic would sometimes giggle and tell him that his hair was a mood ring.

Loud in here? There was absolute silence outside of the steady breathing from the twins's baby monitor on the counter. What did she mean? Teddy looked around for some sort of radio or television that might have been blaring without his knowledge, but saw nothing.

"Lucia, what's been going on?" He reached out for her hand and took it in his,
"Are there... are you having voices in your head?" He asked, terrified of the answer. Scared to death that the little baby with the wide blue eyes that he held when she was first born was now scared of something going on in her own head. That her brain was rebelling against her and she couldn't do anything to stop it.

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lucia astrid longbottom

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I'm Alive {Teddy} But I'm Barely Breathing Nov 1, 2014 4:36:32 GMT -5

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Post by lucia astrid longbottom on Nov 1, 2014 4:36:32 GMT -5

"Are there... are you having voices in your head?"

Tears began welling up and pouring out of Lucia's giant blue orbs. He said it. He knew. It was over. That was the hardest part, she supposed. Loud sobs began escaping Lucy's pink lips as she broke down at the reality of the situation.

"I do-don't know what to do, Teddy!" She wailed. Lucy felt like a child again, crying her eyes out in front of the man she deemed to be her brother. She was shaking while trying to control her sobs. She needed to pull herself together to actually explain what was happening. The woman slowly reached for her coffee and took a slow drink from the holy nectar, hoping it could momentarily subside her nerves. Her voice was still shaky, and tears still freely flowed down her face, but at least she was somewhat coherent now.

"I-it started a little after I started going back to school, I think.." She dried her eyes with the back of her hand. This was hard for her. "Really, I don't know when it actually started, Teddy. I can never tell if I'm talking to a wall, or a real person. I don't what's real anymore!" Lucy went into another fit of sobs. The sheer amount of frustration would've been overwhelming for anyone, really.

"First it started with seeing people I don't know. People I've never seen before. Then, they'd appear more frequently.. They'd talk to me in class. Sometimes I could hear them when they weren't there... Sometimes, it was people I knew.." Her mind flashed back to the episode she had in her apartment nearly a month ago. "Niqui..." She mumbled. "I treated her horribly after that. The voices don't want me to have friends, Teddy. They want to swallow me whole." Her voice was shaking again, her eyes wide. It was a frightening realization. Lucy looked up and in to Teddy's eyes.

"And they do not like me telling you this."

Last Edit: Nov 1, 2014 4:37:18 GMT -5 by lucia astrid longbottom

theodore remus lupin

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I'm Alive {Teddy} But I'm Barely Breathing Nov 18, 2014 8:59:13 GMT -5

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Post by theodore remus lupin on Nov 18, 2014 8:59:13 GMT -5

Teddy couldn't feel anything. How was anyone supposed to react to news like this? Knowing that the perfect little sister that he held when he was barely old enough to know about who she would be in his world was having troubles. She couldn't trust the things in her head, and Teddy just wanted to wrap her up until everything was alright in her world. He wanted to save her, to take away all of the pain and help her see what her world was really. That there weren't monsters looking to harm her, but family and friends who wanted to help.

His heart broke with her sobs, it always did. Lucy was his baby sister. He didn't care about genetics. She was the one who he watched out for at Hogwarts, even when he had long graduated. He would pick her up from the school for a weekend away, where he would take her whereever she wanted and they would eat junk food and laugh until their sides were sore. He wanted to wrap her up, take away all of the pain and just have her how she was before. If that was even possible at this point. If she would ever be able to look at the world with those same happy wide eyes again, or if it was too late. If these voices thought that they were taking her down, they would have to take him down with her. He wouldn't let her go without a fight.

Teddy wrapped his arms around her, tangling his fingers into her blonde stands and just held her close. He was sure that she didn't go to her parents yet, Neville and Hannah would have been all over this if they knew. After what happened with Neville's parents, Teddy was sure of it.
"Well I'm real, Lucy. You've got me and I'm not going anywhere."

His children were safe in the room above them, and he knew that Vic would be home from the hospital in no time. If anything, if he had to get Lucy away, he could always call Niqui or Louis to come over and mind them.
"Niqui will forgive you, you know that." Niqui might have had her demons, her own problems during her final year, but that couldn't possibly change all of the love between them.

"They can suck my ass, I don't care." Teddy held her close and kissed the top of her head in a loving brotherly motion.
"We have to go to your parents, then to St Mungo's. We're not going to lock you away, Luce, but get you on some mediciation and find a way through this, okay?"

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lucia astrid longbottom

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I'm Alive {Teddy} But I'm Barely Breathing Nov 29, 2014 23:58:20 GMT -5

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Post by lucia astrid longbottom on Nov 29, 2014 23:58:20 GMT -5

"Yeah, you're real today. Right now. But what about tomorrow, when the shambles of my brain cooks you up into a monster? And I believe it!" Tears were pouring out of her eyes nonstop at this point. There was no hope of holding what reserve she had been holding. "You wouldn't believe what it did to Niqui. And now I can't even talk to her." Lucy hiccuped.

The voices were so loud, so chaotic in her head right now. It was times like this her frantic painting helped. But there were no brushes this time. Just Lucy and her brain. By herself. She clutched her head and rocked herself back and forth. Go away, go away, go away! She mentally chanted over and over again. It didn't help.

As Teddy kissed the top of her head and reassured her everything would be alright, Lucy momentarily calmed herself, enough to believe it could be true. Teddy would never lie to her. He would never lie to her. Right? But he's only human, he doesn't know what will happen to her! He can't protect you like we can. He can hurt you. He lies.

Lucy felt her heart rate increase tenfold as Teddy mentioned her parents, and then became downright hysteric once she mentioned St. Mungo's. She stood up, screaming, panicking. Lucy knocked over the chair she was sitting in as she tried to get away, which only backed herself into a corner of the kitchen. "Don't take me there, God, Teddy don't take me there!" She was gasping for air as violent tears were running down her wide eyes. She looked like a deer in headlights. Hopelessness overwhelmed her as she crumpled to the ground. "Don't take me there, please don't take me there." She sniffled as she curled into the fetal position.

"They do bad things there." Her voice wavered through the sobs. Lucy was quieter now as she spoke. "They've told me, Teddy, they do bad things to people like me in there. Bad things. Bad things..."

Last Edit: Nov 29, 2014 23:59:33 GMT -5 by lucia astrid longbottom

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I'm Alive {Teddy} But I'm Barely Breathing Dec 4, 2014 15:44:51 GMT -5 via mobile

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Post by theodore remus lupin on Dec 4, 2014 15:44:51 GMT -5

If seems calm for the moment. Everything at peace with his blonde sister in his arms. He would be able to get her the help she needed, and honestly, if this was going to happen in any of the families it was almost good that Lucy was a Longbottom. Hannah and Neville had one of the best marriages he had ever seen, and he knew that they would be able to take care of her the way that she needed. When she sprinted for the door, he knew that he made a grave mistake. Teddy stood up quickly, picking up the chair and setting it proper so she wouldn't be able to trip over it again.

"Lucy!" He called, watching her curl up into a fetal position. She looked almost like how she did when she was a child. When she would crawl between Teddy and Vic snogging on the couch because she had a nightmare. Teddy always swore to her that he would protect her from the monsters under her bed, he just never thought he would have to save her from the ones in her head as well.

"Lucia." He spoke softer this time, sitting next to her on the floor.
"I will never let anything happen to you. Please, you know this." He scooped her into his arms as cradled her against his chest, he had done it for her a million times before, but mostly when she had been a child.
"I won't let anyone hurt you, I promise you." He placed another kiss on her forehead and pressed his cheek against her forehead, cradling her as close to himself as he could.

"I'll do whatever it is that you want. Just please stay calm. I'm here, I'm right here with you and they're not."

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