Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2014 21:02:48 GMT -5
Jess was laid there on the courtyard ground, letting the rain fall on her face. She didnt mind that the rain was soaking her pink shirt and comfy grey pants. She closed her eyes and let a silent tear escape, hidden amongst the rain drops. She had been forced to remain strong for so long, Jess felt like she couldnt hold it up anymore. Every breath she took, felt like her chest was caving in on itself. Get a grip! You dont cry! You never cry! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? Never cry. Her mother's voice echoed in her thought, interrupting the calm she had finally claimed, in the quietness of the rainy courtyard.
No one knew what kind of storm was raging inside of her. No one knew a damn thing. She could easily offer it all up. But what good is that? She didnt want sympathy or pity. She just wanted a break. She didnt want to have panic attacks from the something as stupid and childish as the dark. She didnt want to hide her tears. She wanted a release. Thats all. Even if for a moment, to get away from the forced smiles that she put on every day. She didnt want to seem content about everything that was going on around her.
She wiped, unnecessarily, at her face. She wiped away the tears that couldnt be seen. But her heart was still heavy. She mind was still running 90 to nothing and the stress of it all pounded in her head, like a rhythm of a hammer and nail. She wasnt about to go to the nurse for her head, Jess never took medicine. Little bit of sleep later might take it away, but she was too busy enjoying the rain on her face and body, even if it meant she was thoroughly soaked. She smiled, a true smile, at the thought of dancing but she wasnt one to really dance if there was a possibility that someone might see her.
She placed her left hand under her head. Her right hand, laying gently on her stomach, twisted the curious ring round and round while a dozen thoughts ran through her head. She peeked open one eye just to see that the sun was just about set, but she didnt quite feel like getting up yet. Getting up meant going back inside. Inside to face the stares and the whispers. Getting up meant that she couldnt stay in her little fantasy...she had to live in the now, the reality...a place she had longed to escape from.
Sighing, she closed her eyes tight before the tears started back up. She wasnt going in right now. Nope.
No one knew what kind of storm was raging inside of her. No one knew a damn thing. She could easily offer it all up. But what good is that? She didnt want sympathy or pity. She just wanted a break. She didnt want to have panic attacks from the something as stupid and childish as the dark. She didnt want to hide her tears. She wanted a release. Thats all. Even if for a moment, to get away from the forced smiles that she put on every day. She didnt want to seem content about everything that was going on around her.
She wiped, unnecessarily, at her face. She wiped away the tears that couldnt be seen. But her heart was still heavy. She mind was still running 90 to nothing and the stress of it all pounded in her head, like a rhythm of a hammer and nail. She wasnt about to go to the nurse for her head, Jess never took medicine. Little bit of sleep later might take it away, but she was too busy enjoying the rain on her face and body, even if it meant she was thoroughly soaked. She smiled, a true smile, at the thought of dancing but she wasnt one to really dance if there was a possibility that someone might see her.
She placed her left hand under her head. Her right hand, laying gently on her stomach, twisted the curious ring round and round while a dozen thoughts ran through her head. She peeked open one eye just to see that the sun was just about set, but she didnt quite feel like getting up yet. Getting up meant going back inside. Inside to face the stares and the whispers. Getting up meant that she couldnt stay in her little fantasy...she had to live in the now, the reality...a place she had longed to escape from.
Sighing, she closed her eyes tight before the tears started back up. She wasnt going in right now. Nope.